Edna Welthorpe

I have only let a few intimates in on this information, The Husband does not even know. But, my friends on The Facebook deserve honesty & I have decided to come clean, so to speak.

I have an alter-ego, a conventional, edgy, nervy, old-fashioned, restive, strict, tense woman of a certain age with the moniker- Edna Welthorpe. She has her own email account & accounts & profiles with photos on several sites. Edna is the sort of woman who finds slights & offences in nearly every situation.

She is not really a conservative Christian, A Tea Party advocate or a Republican, although she has tossed out the names of Jesus Christ, Sarah Palin & Richard Nixon on occasion. She lives in the very apt: Boring, Oregon.

To Edna, nearly everything is an affront to her refined sensibilities. Edna is a priggish monster of the highest order, a do-gooder with no job & comfortable bank account who does volunteer work, but never lasts with any organization for long before she quits in disgust over some breach of propriety or transgression.

Edna actively sends emails & letters with her strong opinions to magazine editors & officials of government, corporations & organizations. She was recently asked to leave her position of treasurer for The Catholic League Of Ladies Of The Diapers Of The Baby Jesus & she railed to the Vatican.

Just recently Edna formally complained to The Portland Art Museum in regards to their recent show “The Body Beautiful In Ancient Greece”, an exhibition of more than 120 priceless objects from the British Museum’s famed collection of ancient Greek & Roman art.

Edna stated: “I am repulsed & outraged by the museum’s need to show representations of naked males & females, with the extra perversion of many nudes with missing body parts, including one piece with a no head & a male member that had its tip removed. Disgusting! I will not be returning to your institution of filth & degradation”.

She wrote to Elle Décor with: “I am living with outrage because after my repeated complaints, you still continue to feature the homes of homosexual couples. You casually toss off the paint names & colors of the walls in the bedrooms of sodomites. Can you just imagine the fluids flung upon those wall surfaces? What do we tell the children? I will no longer purchase your putrid publication, even if you feature that lovely Nancy Reagan on the cover”.

Edna also chastises those that post on The Craigslist, which she obviously peruses daily. Last week, she admonished a woman seeking a bi-sexual couple for an encounter: “You selfish wench, thinking only with your clitoral area. You disgust me with your wanton Satan inspired desires! What do we tell the children? I try not to imagine what one does with a ‘strap-on’. Your photograph is a horror of sinfulness, & the bedding & lamps showing in the background are as cheap looking & worn as you! I could feel sorry for a woman who would engage in the acts you describe, but I simply need want to vomit with revulsion!”

If you have received a missive from Edna Welthorpe, it was actually me, & I am truly sorry. I think I may be going mad. I am afraid I might get in to some sort of legal problems because of Edna. Could I use a multiple-personality defense?